Legal C.R.A.P. (certain reminders about policies)

Imagine a world where there was no need to post disclaimers, privacy statements, copyright and trademark info, return and exchange policies, and other things lawyers force us to state. Ahhhhhhh…a place where we could all just get along in peace and harmony. A magical place where we all make sweet music, joining hands and singing kumbaya. Well, we all know that there is no such place at the moment, but let’s keep working on it. In the meantime, snap out of la-la-land and direct your attention to the legal c.r.a.p. (certain reminders about policies, procedures, protocols, etc.—yes, we know that there are some extra pees in here, but that’s just how it goes—so sue us if our technical incorrectness causes you to lose sleep) set forth below. Read, weep, accept, move on, place an order, repeat…often.

privacy policy:

Concert Chick Productions, LLC takes your privacy very seriously. We can assure you that any personal information that you so kindly give to us is used to improve your www.concertchick.com experience. From time-to-time, we will take a peek at your info to study our fabulous (YOU!) customers’ preferences and to make sure you receive advance notice of future hatchings, exciting announcements, cool offers, and promotions. But always remember, when you are presented with empty spaces in which you are to enter your personal info, you don’t have to provide it. The choice is always yours. But we hope you do because that means you ordered at least one of our fabulous tee shirts and/or joined Rox’s Fan Club which entitles you to all sorts of swag…and we all know how much a girl loves swag!

There are a number of ways info is collected. If you join Rox’s Fan Club, you give us your name and e-mail address and perhaps some other info we decide will enhance your visit to www.concertchick.com. When you make a purchase, you give us even more info such as your billing and shipping address(es), your phone number in case we have to call about your order, and your credit card information. We want your Concert Chick experience to be stress and risk free, so we made sure a number of safeguards are in place to protect your info. We use standard Secure Sockets Layer (SSL) authentication to guarantee the confidentiality of online transactions made on our Web site.

You can always change or delete info that is stored if you change your mind simply by accessing your account page. We try to keep things really simple around here. The info you provide at checkout is stored and maintained in private files on our secure web server and on our internal systems. Some info is stored on servers and only Concert Chick Productions, LLC has the ability to access this area. There may be some general info that we share with marketers and advertisers but we will never include your individual info—it’ll just be an overview to show who our market is, how great we’re doing, and that kind of stuff.

Being the curious creature that you are, you may be wondering who is going to look at your info. Most likely, just me, Denise, and I am a great keeper of secrets, so no worries. As time goes by and Concert Chick Productions, LLC becomes the huge success it is destined to be, your info will be shared with companies who help us out with order fulfillment, package delivery, e-mail handling, data analyzing, marketing , credit card processing, fraud investigating, customer surveying, customer service, and so on. In other words, the team that helps us rock the world with cool stuff for hot chicks (YOU!) and the folks who make you want to check out our Web site and order our merch, will know where you live. Rest assured that we do not do business with or surround ourselves with sinister people. We look for like-minded souls to work with us, which means, they have their own life and are not in the business of snooping into yours or otherwise causing you problems. As much as we like to control everything, we can’t. We have people working with us to make Concert Chick Productions a success. To this end, we contract with a private provider to help us understand how to work the Web site and make it better for you because we are absolutely clueless in this regard. Our service provider places cookies on your computer to collect various kinds of info for us related to the users and visitors of www.concertchick.com . This allows for the creation of a truly delicious Web site. We don’t allow our providers to collect any credit card, user name or password info, nor do we allow them to use any of the data they collect for us for any purpose other than the improvement of our site. Our provider will keep everything confidential. We will sic our attorney on any violator. We promise.

Of course, if your personal information is required by law and/or court order and/or mandate and/or some combination thereof to be disclosed, we will disclose it.

We won’t rent and/or sell your info to anyone even for a million bucks. Well, okay, perhaps for a million, but we’ll make sure to let you know before we do to give you ample time to remove your info should you so desire. And if we sell Concert Chick Productions, LLC for a hefty sum that allows us to buy that chateau in the South of France that we have our sights on, well then, your info will be part of the deal and transferred to the new owner. Surely you’ll understand if and when such an opportunity presents itself. Bonus: If we buy that chateau and if you have purchased 1,000 of our tees, we will invite you to stop by for some bubbly the next time you’re in Cap d’Antibes! How’s that for an incentive?

As much as we believe our products are for girls of all ages—from birth to 100 and beyond—if you’re under 13 years old, you have to find an adult to make a purchase for you or to register for information. This is for your safety and there’s a law that says so. Sorry. For more information, click here: Under 13

And now let’s chat a bit about third parties. This is not about party number trois after un and deux over one long weekend though how wonderful for you to have such a packed social calendar! No, we’re talking about the folks over which we have absolutely no control over, which is essentially everyone except for ourselves and our dogs and even then, that’s questionable, though Oliver is known for shredding important docs, not saving them, therefore he shouldn’t be too much of a concern. That SSL authentication and encryption of the info that you send to us over the internet that we mentioned earlier can help protect your info from third party interception. Of course, try as we might, there’s always a risk that some third parties may unlawfully intercept transmissions. Basically, it all boils down to the fact that we can’t guarantee that your private info won’t get out there. But we pledge that we’ll do whatever we can to fend off the enemy.

Further along these lines, Concert Chick Productions, LLC doesn’t monitor, approve, or have any control whatsoever over third party content and doesn’t endorse or guarantee the accuracy of said content. So, if we post bits and pieces from other sources that are not of our creation, while we obviously found the info to be of interest to us and thought you’d like it, too, we can’t double-check everything.

If you want to remove your name from our e-mail list, make a request to customerservice@concertchick.com and your wish will be our command. While we doubt you will ever want to leave our community, things happen and in the rare instance it happens to you, we will certainly honor your request. Bear in mind, though, that removal most likely won’t be automatic, so you may hear from us once or twice before never. Please accept our apologies in advance for any inconvenience this may cause you, your family, and your pets, especially any little yellow fuzzy chicks you may have hopping around your property.

One thing in life is absolute…change…and our privacy policy is no exception. So, check back often to see if any revisions have been made.

If you have any questions about this privacy policy, please contact us at customerservice@concertchick.com .

return & exchange policy:

We considered leaving this section out because we know you will love everything you buy from us, but we recognize that we’re all different in our own way and what is one chick’s treasure is…well…not another chick’s. if any of our products do not rock your world, you can send any or all of your purchase back for either an exchange or Concert Chick credit within 30 days of order placement. Your happiness is very important to us, but we will not accept any returns/exchanges after 30 days. Do not even try to mail us a package after this time period unless you are sending Rox pink Peeps® or a bottle of champagne for Denise, preferably Veuve Clicquot (the “yellow label”—perfect for bubbly Concert Chicks!).

Returns for credit/exchanges for new merch are simple. Just fill out the return/exchange section of the invoice that came with your merch, and enclose with the original, new, unworn, still tagged, not damaged item in the box in which it arrived at your doorstep. Cut and tape the return label to the package and mail the package back to us. We recommend springing the extra cash for delivery confirmation for your protection. If after you try on the tee or other item that you ordered and it’s too small, too big, or not tight enough, we will happily send you another size at no additional shipping cost to you. If you want a credit, we will happily issue one to you in the amount of the item plus any sales tax paid. You will not be credited the shipping costs. If you purchased a Concert Chick tee from a retailer or another Web site, you will have to make your return/exchange directly with the retailer/Web site. As Concert Chick Productions, LLC becomes wildly popular, we will be able to be more generous in our policies, but for now, this is the way it has to be.

One big rule of return/exchange: Do not send us back anything that has been worn (we can tell—Oliver and Roxi are expert sniffers), altered in any way (keep the goods intact!), washed (we like clean and that’s the way we sent it to you, thankyouverymuch), that has the tags removed (alarms will sound!), or that is damaged (of course, if we send you a shredded tee, by all means, send it back ASAP and we’ll do what’s right!). In other words, do not think you can get away with placing an order, removing the tags, wearing the tee to a concert—dancing and sweating in and spilling beverages on said tee—and then being dragged into a mosh pit by the sleeve of your tee and think you can score another tee for free for your next concert. We’ll have to summon the flying monkeys (worse than our attorneys) if this happens and send them your way. This could get ugly and is very scary at the least. You have been duly warned. As with all rules, there are exceptions, and we have one: If you are a rock star with a hit soaring its way to the top of the charts, we will replace all the damaged, stained, ripped, etc. tees at no charge if you send us a photo of you in it while you’re on stage.

One more thing. If you refuse any shipment from Concert Chick Productions, LLC, you are responsible for the original shipping charges, any duties, taxes, and/or customs charges that are incurred to and fro, in addition to the cost of returning the package to us. This amount will be subtracted from your merch refund.

intellectual property notice:

The copyright and trademarks on this Web site and the material on this Web site, including, but not limited to, text, graphics, logos, button icons, selection and arrangement thereof, software, computer code, artwork, photographs, images, music, audio material, video material, and audio-visual material is owned by Concert Chick Productions, LLC and its licensors, if any, Concert Chick™, Concert Chick Productions™, and Rox’s image are trademarks of Concert Chick Productions, LLC, owned by Denise Nieman, and may not be used in connection with any product/service not used by Concert Chick Productions, LLC in any manner including in a way that is disparaging or discredits Concert Chick Productions, LLC somehow. We have thick skins over here, but let’s play nice.

Concert Chick Productions, LLC grants to you a worldwide non-exclusive royalty-free license to 1) view this Web site and the materials on a computer or mobile device on a web browser; 2) copy and store this Web site and the material on this Web site in your web browser cache memory; and 3) print pages from this Web site for your own personal, non-commercial use.

Concert Chick Productions, LLC does not grant you any other rights in relation to this Web site or the material on this Web site. In other words, ALL RIGHTS ARE RESERVED. Remember the flying monkeys/attorneys? Well, they will be summoned…all of them. They will have our permission to bring legal proceedings against you seeking monetary damages which could mean no shoe shopping for a really long time and an injunction to stop you from using our stuff. This will not look good on your resume. On top of all this, you may even have to pay our flying monkey/attorney’s fees. Yikes. This may mean no new shoes, never, ever. If there’s something you absolutely must use for some life or death circumstance or other compelling reason, simply send us an e-mail asking, politely, for permission customerservice@concertchick.com . We’re really nice folks who will try to work with you within reason. There’s hardly a sadder day when the attorneys are summoned and the shoe fund disappears, possibly.

item availability:

Our collections are released seasonally in limited quantities, so once they’re gone, they’re gone. We like to think of them as collector items. We hope to sell out of everything once posted because we have so many fantastical tees waiting to go into production and that works best if we don’t have lingering inventory. Of course, popular demand may very well dictate a second or third run. What this all means is that we may be out of stock on an item you ordered. If so, we will let you know right away via e-mail.

general web site disclaimer:

This Web site is provided “as is” without any representations or warranties, expressed or implied. Concert Chick Productions, LLC does not warrant that this Web site will be around forever and does not swear on a stack of bibles that the info you find on this Web site is accurate, true, non-misleading, and/or complete, as much is the opinion of the person in charge of the content and while very helpful, it has been created for entertainment and amusement purposes primarily and certainly not as a substitute for professional consultation, diagnosis, and/or treatment of any kind. Nothing on this Web site constitutes or is meant to constitute advice of any sort. You should always consult an appropriate professional for any problem you may have. However, we are authorized to tell you, and feel a real obligation and responsibility to do so, that retail therapy, especially the acquisition of really cool tee shirts with an adorable chick on the shoulder, is a proven cure for many ailments. May you be well always!

Concert Chick Productions, LLC is not liable to you in relation to the contents of this Web site or anything or anyone connected thereto. Don’t even think of having your lawyer contact our lawyer about damages for direct loss, indirect, special, or consequential loss, for any business losses, loss of revenue, income, profits or anticipated savings, loss of contracts or business relationships, loss of reputation or goodwill, or loss or corruption of info or data. In other words, Concert Chick Productions, LLC and its owners, operators, vendors, suppliers, designers, fans, pets, and everyone else dead or not, are not responsible for any direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error, failure to perform, or anything and everything else your lawyer makes up.

If we seem harsh and insensitive in this section, well, we suppose it is because we are, a wee bit. Take responsibility not only for your own happiness but for your own dang blunders, too. We know it isn’t the way of most of the world, but let’s give it a whirl, shall we? This is what an original Concert Chick would do.

If you think any of our policies, procedures, etc. are unreasonable, as much as we’d love you to be part of our world, remember that no one is forcing you to visit our Web site! Click off is always an option.

Any likeness to a real person on this Web site, whether dead or alive, is purely coincidental. Should you see yourself in any of the stories, blogs, tips, observations, photos, etc. posted on this Web site, good for you! In no way, shape, or form is the reference to strippers, waxings, and Playboy bunnies herein intended to endorse, encourage, or otherwise suggest certain activities, aspirations, avocations, and/or gyrations. Please keep in mind that every single day we hear about a groom pushing his new mate overboard during their honeymoon cruise and millions of people without food, shelter, and medical care. Call us crazy, but the thought of a pole dancer is much less troubling than slayings prompted by imaginary friends and internal voices. Let’s just have fun. If this is a problem for you, as mentioned above, please seek professional help. Life is way too short. While this Web site was created for entertainment value, there’s a much needed message contained herein. Let it reveal itself though an open mind and a sense of humor. There are plenty of other crusades if you’re up for a fight, like the slaughtering of poultry or sanctioned cock fights perhaps being held in your neighbor’s backyard at this very minute. For obvious reasons, this is very troubling for a Concert Chick. On that note, be advised that no animals or humans have been harmed in any way in the creation of this Web site. Some human sleep was lost, but a can of Sugar-free Red Bull® and a few Peeps® cured same. Nor is the use of sweat shops part of our creative process, unless you consider proofing drafts poolside in the hot South Florida sun such a use. If you are a parent who is concerned that your underage child may be exposed to something you rather he or she or both not be, trust us when we tell you that your kid is most likely surfing a completely inappropriate, adults only Web site at this very moment, and is using your credit card to order things that will arrive at your home wrapped in brown paper, unmarked packages. This should be of greater concern to you. Additionally, please do not view this Web site using your iPhone or other smart device while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Further, note that batteries are not included.

applicable law:

This Web site is created and controlled by Concert Chick Productions, LLC located in the State of Florida, USA. The laws of the State of Florida will govern these disclaimers, terms and conditions, policies, procedures—everything and anything—without giving effect to any principles of law that may be in conflict.

Now, go ahead and have fun on our Web site and remember, our lawyer will point out to your lawyer that when you entered our Web site, you presumably read the terms and conditions associated therewith, so don’t even think about going there!

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